"WASHINGTON-Over the past year, agents of the Department of Homeland Security Rapid Response Search Team have intercepted more than 320 suspicious female passengers outside airports and subjected them to thorough strip-searches before clearing them as possible terrorists."

There's only one problem: There is no Department of Homeland Security Rapid Response Search Team. The "agents" are bogus and the attractive young women who've obligingly removed their clothing for the humiliating searches have been hoodwinked, federal lawmen say."

It's a great story if it's true. My source? That veritable clearinghouse for wacky tales from the fringe, The Weekly World News.  Read the whole story right here.....

Even if the story isn't 100% accurate [or even true], it still brings a valid point to the discussion table: Don't be gullible and don't jump through hoops just because someone claims to be a member of a law enforcement agency.

Just because someone flashes a badge at you doesn't mean they're legitimate members of the law enforcement community! The same goes for someone who identifies themselves on the phone as a member of some law enforcement agency.  Here's Ben's Anti-Cavity Search tips to live by:

    1.  Don't fall for the "quick flash" of a badge or other official-looking form of identification: SCRUTINIZE whatever's being shown to you. If they're real cops, they'll either be more willing to let you look, or so short-tempered that you'll wish you hadn't asked. The bad guys will usually cave or run.

    2.  Don't call a phone number on a card that they give you to "check 'em out." Don't fall for a voice on a cell phone that they've dialed for you to confirm their authenticity. You make the call...to 911.

    3.  Don't be afraid to confirm they are who they say they are: Whether it's a cop or a repairman at your front door, don't let anyone in unless and until they pass the smell test. Your naiveté and unwillingness to challenge  and verify their authority guarantees their success if they are, in fact, the bad guys.

Interest rates are still low.  So when are you gonna buy a house or re-finance your current mortgage?  Everything you wanted to know but didn't want to spend any money on can be found right here in Ben's [free!] 2003 Home Buyer's Guide!

You're gonna think twice about what you carry in your own purse or wallet: A cashier at a New Orleans area convenience store helped police catch a thief that had stolen her purse out of her car just a few days earlier...because the pinhead thief not only tried to give the cashier one of her own stolen checks, but whipped out her stolen driver's license for additional ID!  You've gotta read the story for yourself.....

This person got lucky! But the odds are overwhelming that you won't. So if you wanna minimize your risk, here's what you need to do:

    1.  Get out your wallet and clean it out! Don't carry every credit card ever issued to you!

    2.  Do not carry your Social Security card or your health insurance card in your wallet: Both have the highly-confidential and highly-desirable Social Security Number - a huge incentive and reward for the bad guys. Many times they don't even care if you've got any cash or credit cards...all they're looking for is your Social Security Number...so cut 'em off at the knees and don't make yourself an easy mark!

    3.  Despite what many so-called experts will tell you, get a Sharpie permanent ink marker and on the signature line of your credit cards, write the words: CHECK PHOTO ID.

I've been taken to task by people telling me that you've gotta sign the back of the credit card, but live dangerously and take ol' Bennie's advice, will ya? Even though most sales clerks don't check your signature, those that do might even follow directions and actually try to match your name on the card with the name and photo on your driver's license!

    4.  And finally...even though it's a pain in the butt, let me urge you to take the time to make a list of every credit card you own: This list should have the account number, the expiration date, and the toll-free "I've lost my credit card" hotline phone number that's located on the back of the card. Compile this list and keep it in a safe place in your home. Don't carry it or "hide it" in a secret compartment in your purse or wallet or briefcase. The bad guys aren't that stupid and know where to look.

Do you know how exposed at the hands of Mother Nature" you really are financially?  It doesn't take a tornado to rip your financial life apart, either. Read Ben's special section on protecting your home, car and computer/electronic stuff from the wrath dished up from the skies. 

Speaking of weather-related brain-damage, how well protected is your computer?  I'm talking about from everything...from lightning-related power surges to the latest viruses [and there are some nasty ones out there!] and general smart-maintenance of the heart-and-soul of your cyber world?  That's what I thought...and that's why you need to go to the only hands-on computer stop you'll ever need to make, no matter where you're located on the planet: www.takeithomecomputers.com

Here's two amazing stories and two amazing examples of bad judgment that should make you feel a lot better about the mental lapses in your life...my favorite of the two is about a guy who lost his job over a $10 million LAP DANCE! 

Story #1: Do you remember William Bennett? He was the former Secretary of Education and Drug Czar under Presidents Reagan and Bush #1... but he's better known for his life after public service as a lecturer...and author of the popular "Book of Virtues" series.

And according to Newsweek magazine, "the man of virtues has a vice," a hearty appetite for action at the gambling tables.  Apparently Mr. Bennett has a quarter-million dollar line of credit at four casinos in Atlantic City and Las Vegas...and according to Newsweek, he's allegedly amassed more than $8 million in gambling losses over the last decade.

My take on this oddly ironic story is...SO WHAT!?!  He made the money fair and square, he paid his taxes on it...he can do whatever the hell he wants to with it.  The last time I checked, gambling in Atlantic City and Las Vegas was legal.  If this guy gets off playing slot machines or cards or rolling dice, who cares? What's the difference between spending your money in a casino versus spending your cash on expensive cars or paintings or yachts or houses or travel?

Story #2 is even more amazing, because going to strip clubs and getting lap dances is also perfectly legal: But doing it while you're on the payroll of one of the highest-profile college football programs in the nation can be extremely expensive.

Especially when you're the head coach of Alabama, and your contract is loaded with a termination clause that kicks in if you get caught doing something inappropriate or that casts a negative light on the University.

Just ask Mike Price, the now former head coach of the University of Alabama: Price paid (okay, I couldn't resist!) what amounts to $10 million (the value of his now defunct contract) for a lap dance at a strip club...before he even coached a single game for the Crimson Tide.

You want the real ironic (and true) story about straight arrow Bill Bennett? As a college student in the mid-60s at the University of Texas in Austin, Mr. Bennett was set-up on a blind date...with none other than Pearl herself...future rock legend Janis Joplin. 

Ben's Bottom Line? Neither of these men did anything illegal. But they' re certainly at the top of the bad judgment calls list for 2003 (so far, anyway; it's only May!) The only thing you can take away from this is to feel better about some your own stupid decisions...at least until you get a call from a reporter at Newsweek.

"Tapped out" from all the big checks you've had to write (IRS, Mother's Day-graduation-wedding season gift season) recently?  You're outta cash and outta ideas?  I'm not.  [Take a deep breath--here comes some self-less self-promotion.] Be resourceful and share the wealth!  Give a subscription to the Dose of Dover, the most reliable source of insights and no s*** ideas available on the planet...and it's free! Sign 'em up for their weekly Dose of Dover newsletter on our award-winning website!

Caller ID and devices like the Telezapper and the new, national Do Not Call Registry are making make pain-in-the-butt telephone solicitation calls really difficult, and in many cases, illegal for most companies.  That's the good news. The bad news? Just when you thought you could protect your family from obnoxious dinnertime sales calls, you might wanna think about posting a NO SOLICITORS sign next to your doorbell.

That's right...frustrated telemarketers are going back to a tried-and-true technique to ruin your dinner hour: They're ringing doorbells.

Dozens of companies, companies the size of AT&T, are unleashing armies of door-to-door salesmen to pitch services such as phones, cable television and natural gas and apparently, it's working. Cable giant Comcast registered 40,000 customers last year with a "win back" campaign that enticed customers away from competitors like DirectTV...and they did it one doorbell at a time.  SBC has been trying "meet-and-greets," goodwill campaigns sending employees out to spread the news about rate cuts, while AT&T's new "feet-on-the-street" reps spread door-to-door irritation while pitching local phone service.

Ben's Best Bet? Don't deal with 'em! Why? Because of the obvious opening for fraud...or worse. Customer complaints are already starting to pile up; stories about sales agents collecting signatures under false pretenses (imagine that!) by telling naive consumers they were simply signing a petition... then used their signatures to "slam" them by switching their energy providers.

One guy received a natural-gas bill from a company he'd never heard of: Later he found out that a door-to-door salesman had convinced his 16-year-old daughter to authorize a gas company switch by getting her to forge her father's signature...something this delinquent probably perfected in junior high. That's about the time I perfected my Dad's signature...how else could I get a day off?)

Oh yeah...the revival of door-to-door solicitors sparked this e-mail from Rolf in Burbank: "I have a nice classy plastic sign on my door that is effective on several levels: "No Soliciting, No Witnessing, No Kidding."" 

If it sounds too good to be true, then why are these get rich quick seminars continuing to grow in popularity? Everybody's looking for a shortcut to wealth. I know because I've gone down those roads myself years ago.  Whether you've been recruited to go to a seminar by a live person or bit on a cheesy TV infomercial or radio commercial, ask yourself that if it was that easy, why are these clowns out schilling their stuff in public?

If they're so damned successful at buying-and-selling real estate for no money down, then why aren't they quietly amassing their personal fortunes through these methods, instead of making their money "teaching you" how to make money?

They're preying on the financially weakest people says John T. Reed, a major thorn in the side of these seminar con artists: "That's why you see a disproportionate number of minorities and immigrants at these seminars."  Investment scams are often sold by seminar. Here's what to watch out for at any get rich seminar, according to the Federal Trade Commission and Mr. Reed's website:

    Claims of high profits at low risk.

    Results are guaranteed.

    Flaunting of a luxurious lifestyle, with rented limos and jets.

    Little or no warning of potential losses.

    Too-good-to-be-true testimonials.

    Targets beginners.

    Pressure to sign up now to lock in a discount.

Investors should also be wary of a strategy that claims to be unique and can make more money than all the rest: During the seminar, ask to see actual returns of the trading strategy. But don't be fooled by a bunch of paperwork that looks impressive...since it's easy to cook-the-books to create whatever paper illusion is required.  How easy is it to be fooled? Two words: Arthur Andersen.

It's the biggest financial threat of our generation; we love our Moms and Dads but dread getting the call: No, not that call...but the call from them asking you for financial help!  After spending years saving for a comfortable retirement, many of you are running into a cost you never planned for - your parent's retirement. Read the entire Wall Street Journal article (don't worry...it's free!) right here.

Remember: Parents will feel better about getting help if you don't structure it as a handout. This is why the "buying some of their stuff" approach works well. And if you're going to be in a position where you're going to have to kick in financially anyway, you might as well get something in return. One strategy to consider: Instead of giving your parents cash for a purchase, buy them an annuity that will pay them a monthly stipend for the rest of their lives.  Here's a related story, also from The Wall Street Journal (and also free!).

Being prepared to help Mom & Dad means getting all of your documents together: I've put together a comprehensive section that'll help you do just that.  All sorts of forms like Wills, Medical Powers of Attorney, you name it.  And since the price is right, you have no excuses!

Speaking of financial threats: If you've got some IRS-related loose-ends out there, now's the time to wave the white flag and get a deal worked out.  Check out your options, and why hiring an Enrolled Agent makes the most sense!

You're a fool waiting for your cyber-life to blow up in your face if you don't get pro-active and protect yourself from hackers and viruses.  One of the biggest companies in the country is betting your laziness is about to pay off: America Online is hoping that the next big virus wave that'll inevitably sweep the country will push you into their protective arms and pump up their profits!  However...their service ($2.95 a month) is a friggin' ripoff!  Why pay $36 a year through AOL when you can sign-up with [my personal fave] Norton for a fraction of the cost?

Ben's Bottom Line? You're asking for trouble if you don't spend a few bucks on an anti-virus software program...and you're really asking for brain-damage if you don't update your "virus definitions" every single day!

Got the graduation or wedding gift blues?  I've got the perfect gift that they'll be talking about for years to come!  It's the biggest, most lucious and amazing towel on the planet, from our friends at www.fattowels.com