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Good Tuesday morning!
Here's your weekly,
always street-smart
Dose of Dover
Still
the single-most reliable source for un-common
sense advice,
insights and
cover-your-derriere strategies you simply
won't be able to find
anywhere else.
Take
your best shot...try to put me out of a job!
How?
Make everyone a little lot
smarter:
Forward
today's newsletter to everyone
in your Address
Book! [C'mon...be
a big shot!]
Spread
the wealth and share the word: Lots of eye-opening
Tuesday,
August 19, 2003:
I finally have proof that God really is a
man! It's clinched, it's proof-positive and it's great news for television
fans everywhere: Okay, work with me here as I explain the
logic behind this real revelation. Men love their remote
controls--whether it's for TVs, stereos, DVDs...even ceiling fans, Dover's
Rule is easy to follow: The higher the
testosterone level, the higher the chances of multiple remote controls.
The long-arm of God reaches out to empower electronics designers of Tivo,
ReplayTV and Personal Video Recorders (PVRs) with the knowledge and
"God-given talent" to create the newest innovation that'll allow
us to never miss another episode of Seinfeld, Blind Date or [if you've
gotta woman in your life], Sex in the City. Program your recorder to
record...via the Internet!!! It's
called "Remote Scheduling" and you can read all about it right
here!
Nowhere is it
written that you have to give them accurate information:
They'd like you to, but they'll never really know. So use a disposable
e-mail address (like Hotmail
or Yahoo)
and get creative when you register. But just remember: They/we are
giving you a
tremendous service for a great price...free!
So no complaining...
Nostra-Dover Predicts: The
great baby boom on the horizon, and a wave of mid-May '04 births,
courtesy of the great East Coast Blackout of 2003. You
gotta do something with all of that sweaty spare time since the TV and
telephones won't work.....
More news from the medical front raises the question:
Could your doctors be incentivized for sending you home with a
prescription? Or maybe it's
simply another sign of the times, but the one fact is clear: The
average number of drugs prescribed for each doctor's visit grew an
average of 17% over the last decade...and 53% for patients older than
45! Put
down the Paxil and read all about here first.....
Since interest rates
are moving, it's not too late to buy a home. Interest
rates are still lower
than they were a year ago, what
are you waitin' for? Cash
in and lock in the lowest
rate in decades by re-financing your current mortgage and cut 10
to 15 years off your term! It's
easy to get educated about the process first...and the price is
right! (Free!)
Everything you need to know can be found on-line; get your own copy of Bens'
2003 Home Buyer's Guide by clicking here.
Now that you're
motivated to buy a house, or trade-up from your current home...how
would you like to get some cash back on your next home purchase
(or sale)? (I'll
show you how.) Click here.....
Okay, so you're
about to move; it's time to go down your "things to do" checklist:
Moved your phone service and utilities?
[Check!] Put
in your change of address on your mail? [Check!!]
Have all of your belongings held hostage by some rogue movers? [Check...not!!!]
Do your homework (first) and
choose the right moving company! Ben's
Moving Tips will save you time, money and lots-o-heartache.....
Time to get off
your butt and start making travel plans for the lonnnnnnnng Labor
Day weekend (now only 10
days away): Stretch your travel budget and get your Thanksgiving
or Christmas-time travel planning handled now while you're
at it. Check out Ben's no-brainer choice for hotel room
or condo deals: www.hotels.com.
Still looking for a cool birthday (or
other special occasion) gift that'll keep on giving, all year
long? Then give
'em a subscription to the Dose
of Dover...the
most reliable source of insights and no s*** ideas available on the
planet. (You can afford it...it's free!) Time to share
the wealth! Sign-up
for a subscription to the weekly Dose of Dover Newsletter right
here!
Speaking of brain-damage, check out
the new section for Californians that'll help you get a handle on
your rights if you do decide to pull the ripcord (that's
slang for filing for bankruptcy) on your creditors:
It's a Q&A
with one of the top bankruptcy attorneys in the state, and
a chance to debunk the half-truths being spewed by those
bottom-feeding tele-terrorists.
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Arnold?
I know it's gonna be tough for some of you, but thanks to the FCC-mandated
"equal time" for political candidates, don't expect to
see any "Diff'rent Strokes" reruns on TV anytime before
the big October '03 California governor recall election. And
add "Twins" and "Kindergarten Cop" to the list
of Ahnold-driven movies to the list while you're at it. [Damn!]
Read
more about it here...
Speaking of Ahnold, get ready for a
tidal wave of spam offering "Arnold for Governator"
t-shirts: And remember Dover's Rule: If you
ever buy anything from a spammed e-mail offer, you're only
perpetuating the problem.
You deserve to have
your computer destroyed!!! I'm serious, if
you haven't been updating your Windows-platformed computer with
Windows updates designed to close the holes exploited by
virus-authoring hackers, you deserve to lose everything on your
precious computer. Since I know you wanna get right with the
cyber-gods, here's
your link.....
While we're on the subject of
destroying things, don't let the IRS put holes in your
life...anymore than necessary, anyway. It's probably time
you got that unfinished business with your pals at the
IRS handled for (hopefully) good: Tie
down those tax-related loose-ends on your terms and
get a deal worked out before it's too late.
Non-filers...innocent spouses...941 (payroll taxes) for the entrepreneurs
amongst us: Know
all your options and learn why hiring an Enrolled Agent
probably makes the most sense.
And
since we're on the subject of credit problems...do you
know anyone that's got some of their own? It's time to learn more
about the inner-workings of that black hole known as the
credit reporting bureaus: You can get a
digital copy of Ben's 1993 (#5) bestseller Life
After Debt on-line,
right now. Read
how right here.....
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