"What
we see depends mainly on what we look for."
Could you be a
whore? Get your mind outta the gutter-I mean a "mileage
whore," ya sicko: You know
what I'm talkin' about, don't ya? I know people
who are absolutely possessed when it comes to
using credit cards that'll allow 'em to
accumulate those oh-so-precious airline frequent
flier miles. Get
out your passport and read all about the latest
trend in the world of frequent flier
mileage-accumulation.....
"Pull my
finger" is the norm at America's newest museum
of grossology: This
dream destination for the little
boy in all of us focuses on the (Impolite)
Science of the Human Body. Pack
a spare pair of underwear and check it out.....
Need a new car
but can't afford it? How about a
freebie!?! I don't
think I've ever seen the automobile industry
take this tact: A promotion that gives away free
cars by "driving" potential customers
to dealerships for a looksee. Could this
be the biggest indicator that consumers have
grown weary of bait-and-switch financing
come-ons? Could fat rebate and zero percent
deals have finally run their course? Buckle
up and read more.....
They might
getcha in their showrooms but they can't
deliver on the promise--but my leasing/buying
resource can (and will): Don't
get suckered in by countless (empty) radio-commercial
claims from car leasing companies out to hook
you, wear you down...and beat you into an emotional
(and maybe financial) pulp!
Check
out Ben's free Smart Car Seminar automotive
acquisition tips right
here!
This
is a no-brainer, and they're the first and last
automobile leasing company you'll ever need to
deal with, no matter where you
live...Benjamin Dover-endorsed Manufacturers
Auto Leasing! They
have loyal clients across the entire state of
Texas and around the nation. Why?
Because they'll take care of
you better than anyone else out there!
By
the way: If
you're facing one of those upside-down
scenarios (car business term meaning you're
financially buried), or maybe you simply want
to bail on your current vehicle and need
someone to get creative on your behalf,
Manufacturers
Auto Leasing is
the best in the business.
Period.
The diamond-selling
brain-trust is expanding their sales horizons,
but their latest target isn't single women
wearing right-handed diamond-studded rings!
Nope, that
was last month-this month they're trying
to make those shiny pieces of carbon a man's
best friend. Get
out your loupe and read more about it here!
We can all
agree on the fact that diamonds are still
a girl's best friend, so here's how to buy 'em
right and get maximum
bang-for-your-buck...(on-line, even!).
Since Valentine's Day is the #1 day of the year
(and only 39 days away) for marriage
proposals, it
doesn't matter where you live on the planet,
I've got the
absolute best, Internet-based resource for
diamond rings, tennis bracelets...or even
high-end watches like Rolexes.
Flying anytime soon? You may already be the
subject of a hi-tech strip search, and not even
realize it!
Our post-9/11 world has
not only opened the
"no-more-privacy-in-the-search-for-the-bad-guys"
flood gates, but it's also giving airport
security personnel a cheap-thrill and an x-ray
strip show.
Big
Brother's alive and well and about to smoke a
cigarette-here's why.
Aloha ya
psycho! It's
a case of a whacked Mr. Wizard going nuts on the
way to paradise.
(So
where is Steve McGarrett when you need
him anyway, Danno?)
Could the
stamps in your passport "rat" you out
and cost you big bucks? Maybe..here's
27 reasons why.
Want more
than just a place to sleep and shower? Find
out about the latest-and-greatest perks being
offered to travelers at hotels across America
and around the world.
Do
ya hate cigarette smoke? Then don't travel
outside the good ol' USofA: If
you wanna cut a few years off your life from
inhaling second-hand smoke, spend a few hours in
an Irish pub or am Asian casino. Find
out about lung-friendly developments in Europe
before you fly.....
Tired
of the cold weather? How about a weekend
getaway? There's a slew of deals to be
had--both right here in your own backyard and
everywhere across the country or around the
world, but you've gotta know where
to look! Get
more bang for your celebratory-buck...check
out Ben's
always reliable, no-brainer choice for consistently
affordable and competitively priced hotel room
or condo deals: www.hotels.com.
Keep your feet
on the ground and keep reaching for the stars,
and say goodbye to the most recognizable voice
in radio: Casey
Kasem ends his reign as host of America's Top
40, but if you wanna hear Casey like
you'll never hear him on the air, you've
gotta listen to this X-rated out-take
that'll give you a new perspective on the
voice behind the cartoon world's "Scooby
Doo" character "Shaggy," among
others. (I'm
warning you, Casey drops the "F-bomb"
big-time in this sound file-so if you can't
handle it, don't listen.)
And
just when you thought you were
safe...Valentine's Day is only 39
days away! Get ahead of the game with some
timely and even affordable gifts.
How about.....
NostraDover's
"hot buzz word" for 2004? I-Boss!
What's an I-Boss? It's the latest
short-hand/office-based term for "idiot
boss." Read
more about "How To Work For An Idiot:
Survive and Thrive...Without Killing Your
Boss."
Looking for a
"deals source" cheaper than e-Bay? Go
where the cops go looking for stolen property!
You can find just about every conceivable item
imaginable on propertyroom.com.
Get out your wish list, your credit card and read
more about the newest e-destination for e-deals.
Speaking of
lost and found, have you ever wondered
where all of the unclaimed baggage ends up?
If the airline can't figure out who owns a
piece of luggage after 90 days, they sell it to
UBC, the Unclaimed
Baggage Center, located in Scottsboro, Alabama.
UBC sells off the contents, the ultimate
treasure hunt for those so inclined...from
Armani suits to Palm Pilots to digital cameras.
(One person even found a five carat diamond
at the bottom of one suitcase!)
Don't forget to
check out Ben's diamond/jewelry buying tips:
All
assembled in one easy-reference spot right here!
Be
afraid. Be very afraid-Part I:
What happens when corporate tax receipts are
down? The IRS gets even meaner, breaks out their
magnifying glass and starts auditing taxpayers! You
might wanna read this story before you start cooking,
I mean, begin working on your 2003 tax
returns.....
Be
afraid. Be very afraid-Part II:
The enemy within? The IRS turns its sites on
its own agents...for cheating on their
taxes: The
Internal Revenue Service is auditing about 800
of its own employees after discovering many of
them may have cheated on their tax returns.
Yeowch!
(I
wonder if they'll hire an Enrolled Agent to
represent themselves?)
Speaking
of Enrolled Agents: If you're one of millions of
taxpayers that are "off the IRS radar, why
not make "getting right" with them a
top priority on your New Year's To Do
List for '04? Don't
even think about trying to make a deal with 'em
on your own, since lousy advice could not
only cost you dearly, it could really jack up
your total tax bill...late fees, interest and/or
fines can jump to levels that'll make you think
about heading south of the border. Make
2004 your year to tie down those
loose-ends on your terms and get a deal
worked out before it's too late.
Non-filers...innocent spouses...941 (payroll
taxes) for the entrepreneurs amongst us: Know
all your options and learn why hiring an
Enrolled Agent probably makes the most sense.
Oops! She did
it again-Britney gets married to Seinfeld's
George Costanza? At
least that's what I thought when I first read
this story: Jason
Alexander's just became the first
"Mr. Spears" for about 24 hours.
And unfortunately for our Festivus
follower, it's
not that Jason Alexander.
If
you wanna see how a hot drunk chick signs her
name, check out the marriage license here.
Don't
let that nurse jam a needle in your arm
unless/until you've verified the authenticity of
juice in the syringe-especially if you're trying
to score a flu shot! The
government's warning health workers and the
public to beware of illegal flu vaccine
peddlers trying to take advantage of current
shortages. The FDA is investigating attempts to
bring unlicensed vaccine into the country and at
least one case of someone not licensed to
practice medicine giving shots purported to be
flu vaccine.
(Don't
roll up your sleeve until you read this
one, folks.)
Your New Year's
Resolutions should include replenishing the
essentials around the house-changing the
batteries in the smoke alarms, making sure
you've got plenty of bottled water and duct
tape-you know the drill: We're
at Level Orange, have you checked your supply of
anthrax-fighting duct tape yet? The
Wall Street Journal's gotcha covered (you'll
have to register for free in order to read this
reprint from the Charlotte Observer).....
You've
really gotta be careful about who
you hire to finance (or re-finance) your
home! Didja hear
about the mortgage company that was able to
step in and close a "tough" loan on
less than 24 hours notice? Despite all of
the paperwork and (perceived) brain-damage
that goes with the home buying process, the
first mortgage company that was supposed to
close fell apart and set the stage for the
save of the century by my friends at W.R.
Starkey Mortgage. And
what's really amazing about this story are the
facts of the deal: A pock-marked credit
report, a non-conforming loan and a short-fuse
couldn't keep Starkey from delivering the
goods for a grateful homeowner, which brings
me to the moral of the story...
Don't
screw around with a buncha pikers that
make mortgage promises they'll never
be able to keep!
You might think you're getting a good
deal, but it'll likely blow up in
your face when push-comes-to-shove and
they can't close. Then your problems
really begin. W.R.
Starkey has the Dover Seal of Approval
because they're the best, no-B.S. mortgage
company in the nation...period.
They deliver and make home buyers the
winners and long-term beneficiaries of Starkey's commitment
to their company positioning
statement: "A
different kind or mortgage company where
people come first."
You really can bank on it,
folks.
Take
the Dover-proven route to
stress-free finance, and take advantage
while interest rates are STILL at
incredibly-low levels! Ben's
no-brainer choice for any/all of your
mortgage needs? Easy...do
it all on-line
or on the phone with
the official mortgage company of www.benjamindover.com
and your
first (and only) stop: W.R.
Starkey Mortgage.
It's
easy to get educated about the
process first...(plus the price is
right...how about free?!?)
Everything you need
to know is only a click away. Get
your copy of Ben's new-and-improved 2004
Home Buyer's Guide by clicking here.
Gotta cell phone?
The courts are letting the phone companies take
off the gloves when it comes to retaining (or
stealing) customers: Here's
what they did to open the flood gates of
cellular wheeling-and-dealing.
If you're like me
and in the mood to throw your current cell phone
company under the bus, here's a way your local
charity can directly benefit from your new
cellular number freedom:
Out with the old and in with the new, here's
what you need to know once you decide to upgrade
your current (crappy) cell phone service.
How do you want your
mad cow cooked? How 'bout medium wacky?
Beef
producers are concerned about the outbreak of
mad cow disease affecting their $98 billion
industry. Once again, here's a reminder
of where you
can listen to actual live audio from Washington
state-area ranches loaded with filet mignon (heh,
heh, heh).....
Whoopi Goldberg's
gotta contract pimping SlimFast: If
she's gotten
skinny representing this product, we can
only hope that her next sponsor will be "Head
& Shoulders" or L'Oreal.
He talks funny
and puts his baby in harm's way because he's a
frickin' moron: No, I'm not
referring to Michael
Jackson (this time), it's Austrailia's
answer to fatherhood stupidity.
Dontcha
love the amazing resources I compile
every week in the Dose of Dover? Good! Then
don't whine about having to sign-up for
free access: Like
anything in life, there's always gonna be a
trade-off on some level. I embed dozens of
links in every edition of this newsletter, and
my frequent sources, The
New York Times, The
Dallas Morning News, The
Los Angeles Times, The
Orange County Register and
USA
Today require
varying levels of registration in order to
access their websites for free...with
one small caveat: If you try to hit an older story,
there's a reasonable chance that the news
organization has either moved the story to a
new URL, or to their archives. If it's
archived, there's a high probability that
they'll charge you for access to the
story...usually under $3. Don't whine
about it...just pay 'em if you wanna read
it--or not. It's always your choice.
Also
worth noting: Nowhere
is it written that you have to give accurate
information when you sign up for free access
on their website. They'd
like you to, but they'll never really know. So
use a disposable e-mail address (like Hotmail
or Yahoo)
and get creative when you register. But
just remember: They/we are giving
you a tremendous service for a great
price...free! So no
complaining...
Looking for a
missing person? Here's
why you can skip taking out an ad on that milk
carton.
There's a
reason why the cable companies of the world
are the butt of so many jokes: Maybe it's
because of their cavalier attitude, rising
prices and crappy service.
Here's the perfect New Year's Resolution that'll
be appreciated every single day of 2004...and
beyond! (And
here's why I love my Dish!)
Didja hear about the
casino workers who got popped for skimming on
the job? If you wanna job that'll
allow you can pick up some spare change, skip
your local gambling den. Here's
why.
Once again,
California is on the leading edge of
making this world a safer place. The
latest example? Legislating away stupidity
behind the wheel. But then again, not
driving with your head firmly stuck in your
large intestine seems like an obvious goal for
drivers in any state.
Commencing 01/01/04, don't plan on watching a
movie or the morning news as you drive to work
unless you're ready to "pay tha man."
A new state law forbids drivers from watching TV
or videos while driving. But this is rich: The
new law doesn't apply to dashboard navigation
systems-or reading newspapers, shaving, applying
mascara
(this
includes you, Michael) and
other questionable pastimes for California
commuters.
New for 2004? Get
ready for higher (but quietly introduced)
long distance rates: Here's
what you need to know before you reach out and
touch someone-long distance, anyway.
Are
ya broke from your calendar-induced annual
spending spree but still looking for a cool birthday
(or other special occasion) gift that'll keep on
giving, all
year long? Of
course I've got a self-serving solution...give
'em a subscription to the Dose
of Dover...the
most reliable source of
insight and no s*** ideas available on the
planet.
(You can afford it...it's free!)
Time to share the wealth!
Sign-up for a subscription
to the weekly Dose of Dover Newsletter right
here!
Want another
reason to love a nurse? How about earning power?
She's got it all-her own stethoscope, she knows
how to give CPR, and there's a good chance she
might even have a Platinum American Express
Card. Here's
why. (By the way: Don't waste your
time sending me e-mails about male nurses. I
know they exist, but I'd much rather get a
sponge-bath from the female version.....)
What's worse
than an identity thief? A stupid identity thief
that calls the cops because clerks won't give
him back stolen credit cards! Whadda
moron.....
Looking
for a job in a growth industry?
Requirements include the ability to lose
your moral compass, and you must enjoy
beating up on people who are going through
financial hell. Sound good? Then you've
got a future as a debt collector! Or maybe not...here's
what you need to know to work outta your fiscal
brain damage in 2004...Plus:
When was the last time you updated your Will?
That's what I thought...you don't even have one,
do ya, Einstein? Guiding
you through life's mine-field (one threatening
letter/phone call/ER visit at a time) check
out the January 8, 2004 edition of Ask Benjamin
Dover from The Dallas Morning News right here!
