enial is not a river in Egypt, so wake up while you can! Look, no one body loves a great love story with a happy ending more than me, but unfortunately for most of us, our storybook romances end up as reality’s–harsher–than–fiction realities.  So take a breath, think full disclosure for both parties, and let’s make you a smart(er) bride or groom-to-be:

Dover’s pre-marriage checklist...‘the 4 W’s’: 

# 1  What’s in their MEDICINE CABINET?

                                      Anti-depressants:          Potential for mood wackiness & eventual heartache

                                      Valtrex:                           Good chance someone’s got herpes

                                      Antabuse:                       Someone dealing with an alcohol abuse problem

                                      Ritalin/Adderal:               They’re either suffering from A.D.D. or like to abuse          ‘legal’ speed

Didja find multiple prescriptions of the same drug from different doctors or clinics?   If it’s a painkiller like Vicodin (generic name: hydrocodone), muscle relaxers like Valium or Flexeril or sleeping aids like Ambien, you need to be concerned that your loved one may have an addiction issue, and what you’re seeing is a result of their ‘doctor shopping.’

Non-descript or un-labeled bottles containing ‘name’ painkilling or muscle-relaxers: Could they have bought them on the Internet without a doctor’s prescription?  Do some snooping around to see if you can find the pharmacy that dispensed the drug…then go on-line to learn more about their target clientele.

# 2  What’s on their TAX RETURNS?  Knowing the (historical) truth about their earnings is a good thing: Knowing they’re up-to-date and current on all of their filings, as well as any $$$ owed to our pals at the IRS is the real purpose of this drill.

Also worth noting: Just because someone doesn’t show a lot of income on their tax return doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not doing well.  Aside from those individuals that might not be fully-disclosing all of their income because they work in a heavy-cash business (I’m not condoning this, but simply recognizing it as a fact of life), many times there are wonderful perks that don’t always show up on IRS Form 1040.  Company cars, club memberships (or access), use of vacation destination-type homes and first class air travel come to mind .  (Think outta the box!)

Dover’$ Tipoff: Ask you future spouse to obtain a copy of their ‘lifetime earnings history,’ available free from the Social Security Administration: Click here for more information.

# 3  What’s on their CREDIT REPORTS  This one’s where the rubber hits the road, kids.  Now’s the time for the real truth to come to the surface…and now’s the time for both sides to lay all of their (credit) cards on the table. 

How many open credit card/charge accounts do they have? Lots of open accounts with low or zero balances might look impressive, but zero balances can morph into “high-interest hell” in the blink of an eye and the swipe of a card.

How leveraged/how much debt are they carrying?  Do they carry lots of debt because their painted in a corner and don’t know how to get out?  Is there a story to go with the debt?  High balances don’t always equal flaky finances!  Sometimes it’s worth taking a buncha debt in order to extricate yourself from a bad marriage or business partnership. 

Made any trips to the ER lately?  If you or your future spouse is one of the 44 million Americans without health insurance, medical bills can stretch a credit report or financial statement faster than a night at a “Botox Party.”  Don’t pull the ripcord on your potential soulmate without first understanding the whole (true) story.

What does their payment history look like? Again, are they a flake or is their a legitimate ‘back story?’  Loss of job, mental or physical health issues and bad judgment add up to one thing.  Life happens.  Be smart and ask questions, but compassion is something you’ll want to start practicing, since you could be the one having to ‘explain yourself’ someday.

How many charge-offs/accounts sent to collection are on their record?  Ditto!

How many judgments?  Once again, having a judgment isn’t the end of the world, but you’d better be clear about how they got hit with it–and make sure you verify the accuracy of their story whenever possible. 

Dover’$ Tipoff: Just because someone’s gotta judgment against them for–let’s say $5,000–doesn’t mean they’ve got to pay the $5,000 plus accrued juice.  Everything’s negotiable, folks.  In fact, the older the judgment is, the better chance you’ve got for negotiating a settlement for a fraction of the amount currently owed.  After all, a $5,000 could be worth $10,000 five to nine years after it’s been granted by the court.

Do your homework and think outta the box when it comes to settling judgments: I know people who have settled large and old judgments for as little as a nickel on the dollar.  Sometimes you’ll want to use an unrelated party–like an attorney–to make a pass at the person or entity holding the judgment.  Have them cook up a story as to why they want to buy a judgment against you, and then make ’em an offer.  It’s just like dating:  All they can ever do is tell you ‘no.’

Have any tax liens?  Never a good sign, and this one can be a real credit score-killer, and could cost the future married couple big time...from making financing just about everything impossible to being forced to submit to borderline-usurious interest rates.  Once again (and a familiar refrain): Know the whole ‘back story’ before re-posting your profile on Match.com.

Do they have delinquent child support information lines?  Another bad sign, and this one’s another huge credit score-killer, and could cost the future married couple big time...from making financing anything difficult to being forced to submit to borderline-usurious interest rates.      Again, know the whole ‘back story’ before re-posting your profile on Match.com.

What about bankruptcies?  Did they file?  Was it discharged by the court or dismissed?  Don’t lose sight of the fact that medical bills are the #1 reason why people file for bankruptcy: Bills leftover from flaky ex-spouses/bad marriages are another reason.  If they’ve rung up alotta credit card bills, you’d better know before you say ‘I do’ or you will be wishing you didn’t in your not-so-distant/bankrupt future.

Here’s a terrific service that’ll not only (instantly!) provide you with ‘her-and-hers’ credit reports for exchanging…but will also help you keep track of your credit health, letting you know when anything suspicious or negative pops up that you need to know about.

# 4  What’s WRITTEN ABOUT THEM AT THE COURTHOUSE?  Here’s your chance to find out what really happened in their former marriage(s).  Read the truth–at least according to the lawyers–as recorded at the courthouse.  See what the actual settlement was:

Does the real version match up with what your loved one’s been telling you?
Any record of violence that wasn’t disclosed to you before your visit to the courthouse?

You’d better know now...or you will regret it later.

Have they been sued before?  Once again, if they have it’s not the end of the world and doesn’t make ’em a bad person.  Stuff happens: People get involved in business deals with partners that turned out to be bad choices.  But if there’s a track-record of lawsuits for bad debts, you’d better know up front, kids. 

Are they new to town?  How long have they lived in your area?  Their credit reports will reveal where they’ve been living; use this as your courthouse roadmap.  In other words: Make damned sure that you find out what’s in the right courthouse.  You need to spend some dough...now is no time to go cheap!

Whatever you invest in a background check today

could save you thousands of dollars

and incalculable heartache down the road.

Contact Lowell Abrams, a terrific private investigator based in Houston via e-mail: la@truepi.com or call him: 281.599.3373.