Valentine's Day is this Saturday and
historically, it's the most popular day of the year for marriage
proposals. But in light of the fact that 50% of
first marriages and 60% of second marriages end up in divorce, our
un-common sense expert Benjamin Dover is here to talk about the
darker side of love, marriage and infidelity...and Ben, this seems
like an incredibly dark take on what's regarded as an upbeat and
positive weekend for people in love.
Answer 1: I couldn't
agree more...and love is a many splendid thing...but it doesn't
always work out the way we plan. I'm not being negative. I'm not
being a pessimist. I'm just being a realist--no different than the
guy that works for the insurance company who's forced to charge you
twice as much because you drink, smoke, are overweight and have a
history of heart disease. Facts don't lie...but spouses do,
sometimes.
Question 2: You’re
sounding like you’ve been burned and might be over-reacting...
Answer 2: Look, I’m 45
years old. I was married 20 years ago, been divorced for 15 years
and love women and love being in a positive relationship. But I've
seen the darker side, I’m a statistic of love like half of the
population out there is, but that’s life. I’m not giving up on love,
I’m just a little smarter...I hope.
Answer 3:
50% of First Marriages End Up In
Divorce
60% of Second Marriages End Up In
Divorce
In the first 2 years of marriage:
– 1 of 8 women will have an affair
– 1 of 7 men will have an affair
After 10 years of marriage:
– 1 of 5 women will have an affair
– 1 of 3 men will have an affair
Working with co-workers who are all of
the opposite sex increases the divorce rate by 70 percent.
Question 4: You think
there’s a universal warning sign for married couples that there’s
trouble on the horizon?
Answer 4: You betcha...and
it’s as close as your
credit reports. Whether it’s signing up for a new
credit card, or asking for a credit line increase from one of your
existing credit card companies,
credit reports are a very telling window into the
health of a marriage–when I say health, I’m referring to both fiscal
and
emotional health.
Question 5: But aren’t
federal laws regarding disclosure of credit histories pretty strict
when it comes to privacy? How can you obtain a spouse’s
credit report without their consent?
Answer 5: You don’t
have to get their report to get a good snapshot of your financial
situation–
get
copies of your own reports! Especially for couples that
have been married five years or more, that usually more than enough
time for co-mingling of marital assets and a cross-reporting of
financial liabilities, especially when it comes to credit card
accounts.
Question 6: So you’re
saying that if your spouse is applying for a new credit card, it
will show up on your
credit report as an inquiry?
Answer 6: More often
than not these days, yes...especially if one of the spouses works
and the other stays at home...but where it always kicks in and shows
up is when an increase in an existing credit line is requested–and
the flip side of this equation is when a credit card is shut down
for non-payment or consistent late payments or over-limit problems,
this is another huge warning sign for spouses that really need to be
in the know and outta the financial dark–before it’s too late.
Answer 7: Actually,
they’ll notify you if anyone is
inquiring about your credit worthiness–this can be as
diverse as a potential credit grantor, a current creditor wanting to
update your file, an insurance company putting you under the
microscope during the underwriting process–and even a potential
employer checking you out before they hire you.
Question 8: Real
quick, let’s run down your
Top 5 warning signs that a spouse might be involved
in another relationship...
1. New underwear: Guys
start sporting new boxers when they’ve always worn briefs, or
vice-versa. Ladies are just as guilty, new lingerie starts showing
up, too.
2. New perfume/new aftershave:
Always another easy warning sign to smell...
3. New music: Suddenly
your spouse starts listening to new styles of music, new groups, and
new CD compilations somehow pop up outta nowhere.
4. Can’t live without their e-mail:
All of a sudden, checking their e-mail seems like it’s the most
important thing on their agenda. A sidebar warning sign? Your spouse
may begin using a new, web-based e-mail address, addresses from
services like Hotmail or Yahoo. Using a new address allows them to
not only check their e-mail anywhere there’s a computer, but because
it’s web-based, there’s no cyber-"evidence": E-mails left on a
computer for you to find when you’re nosing around when they’re
asleep, at work or in the shower.
5. Unaccountable periods of
time/excessive mileage (or under-mileage) on their auto:
Pre-cell phones, it was much easier to be unaccountable, but these
days it’s a lot tougher to go "off radar." The mileage equation
seems pretty self-explanatory.
Question 9: You say
there’s always one big tripping point for cheating spouses–one bit
of technology that always seems to sabotage someone’s attempts to
keep their dalliances secret. What, what, what could
it be?
Answer 9:
The phone. It’s a lifeline for
lovers, and private investigators know that:
a. The first phone
call a cheating spouse will make on their cell phone as soon as they
leave the house/their spouse is almost always to their boy/girl
friend.
b. The last phone
call a cheating spouse will make on their cell phone right before
they come home is almost always to their boy/girl friend.
c. "Re-dial"
buttons and *69 are always a big giveaway, too. If you’ve been gone
at work all day, idle hands can be the devil’s workshop. Come home a
little earlier than expected and hit the re-dial button on all your
phones, or *69–which calls back the last person who called–can be
real eye openers.
Let’s see–it’s the "off-time" of year and
interest rates are at 6-month lows. What other
kicks-in-the-butt do you need to move into the home ownership world?
Maybe you already own a home and just need to re-fi your investment,
now's the time to get off the proverbial dime. Ben's no-brainer
choice?
W.R. Starkey Mortgage has the Dover Seal of Approval because
they're the best, no-B.S. mortgage company in the nation...period.
They
consistently on their company positioning statement:
"A different kind or mortgage company where
people come first."
If you're considering taking the home
ownership plunge this year, get smart(er) about the process:
Click here to get
your free copy of Ben's 2004 Home Buyer's Guide.
Take the Dover-proven route to
stress-free finance, and take advantage while interest rates are
STILL at incredibly-low levels!
Do it all
on-line or on
the phone with the official mortgage company of
www.benjamindover.com and your first (and only)
stop:
W.R.
Starkey Mortgage. Hit
their website or
call their
Austin office at:
(512)
329-9040 or toll-free:
(877) 340-9040.
Know a senior homeowner that's cash
poor but home equity rich? Help them help themselves; here's how
to flush out some cash and enjoy their years of hard work. It's
non-taxable, and will allow them to travel, pay for medications or
hire health care professionals that will allow them to stay in their
homes longer.
Turn up the speakers and learn more from Ben's streaming video
archive.....
IRS-related troubles hanging over your
head? Personal or business challenges aren't as hard to
work out as you might think, especially if you hire the right
representation to cut a deal with the world's most powerful debt
collection agency.
Wanna read more about it?
As you prepare to paper your tax-related
trail, do you know how long you need to keep your receipts? Dover’s
Rule of (IRS) Thumb* will help you clean out your filing
cabinets:
– Tax-related documents: From
charitable receipt to the returns themselves: 4 years
– Real-estate investment paperwork: 2
years after selling the property
– Major home repairs/improvements:
Ditto
– Utility/phone/credit card bills: 2
years
* These are general guidelines:
Don’t come whining to me if you get audited and don’t have any
proof. Like anything/everything else, consult with a
certified/qualified expert for the final "keep-or-burn" decision.
When you do start throwin’ stuff away, shred it/burn it. Don’t just
toss it, or the bad guys will find it and make your life more
miserable than a busload of IRS auditors.
Too late and already in the IRS
cross-hairs?
Here's your Dover-blessed
solution: The Schlichting Group.
