Benjamin Dover At His Best!

GEORGE COSTANZA
123 W. 53rd, Apt. 7F
New York, NY 10010

Via Certified Mail, Return Receipt Requested #7000 0000 0000 0000 0000

February 30, 1995

Mrs. Hal Sahumm
326 W. 48th Street, Apt. 3A

New York, NY 10010

RE: Ongoing nuisance caused by your son's booming car stereo

Dear Mr. Sahumm:

I recognize that this may simply be a case of being unaware, but I must bring to your attention the ongoing nuisance created by your son's car stereo. He frequents this neighborhood and insists upon playing his stereo at loudness levels that are not only causing him long-term hearing loss, but are a violation of city noise and nuisance statutes.

I have consulted with the New York Police Department about this situation; according to Lt. Kevin Page, your minor child is creating a potential liability for you, violating New York City Code, Vehicle and Noise in General: Sounding horn, unnecessary noise (Section 22-10); Mufflers, prevention of noise (Section 23-8); Radio and tape players (Section 34-17). It's a Class C misdemeanor that can carry a fine of up to $500 for each offense.

I will not continue to be forced to endure this nuisance and ask you to please neutralize the situation at once.

Please ask your son to keep his car stereo's volume at a lower and more reasonable listening level when he drives in our neighborhood or I'll be left with no other choice but to contact the police in order to insure these rights are protected and the peace restored.

Sincerely,

[Signed]

George Costanza

GC: bfd

Copy-Cut-Paste And Use This Fill-In The Blank

Form Letter To Cure Your Own Noisy Situation!

Okay, I know you're ticked off about the punk with testosterone-overload and his booming stereo or loud/reckless driving behavior. So now's the time to do something about it...but you've gotta get off your butt and do your homework, first.

That's means that aside from cutting-and-pasting this letter format I've given you below, you first have to make a phone call to your friendly police [or sheriff's] department...or whomever is empowered with enforcing the laws of your city, town or municipality.

You need to explain the noise-created-by-the-punk-in-the-vehicle problem you're dealing with, and ask them:

What laws are they breaking? You've gotta know what you're talking about before you start firing out threatening letters. Get the cops to define exactly what laws the teen perps are breaking.
Make sure you get the name and rank of the law enforcement representative you've contacted, and ask them to cite the exact city code or ordinance name and number.
Also get them to tell you the class of violation. In other words, is it a Misdemeanor? If so, what type? A Class C? Class B? Define it...then define the punishment if found guilty of this infraction. Maximum fine amount? Any jail time?
Integrate all of this data into your letter, then mail the letter to the attention of the minor driver's parent(s)via Certified Mail/Return Receipt Requested. The vehicle's probably in their name, anyway, so it should be easy to figure out their names if you don't know them already. The cops can help you on this front, too.
Don't waste your time mailing this letter unless you do it right and send via the class of mail/service I'm telling you.

And finally: Keep the parent's home phone number by your telephone(s). Don't be afraid to call them after they've received the letter and asking them to silence their bratty delinquent kid. Give 'em a chance to fix the problem before you call the cops. If they ignore you, then let Junior take it up with the law.

[And considering that many teenage males that engage in this type of noisy presence frequently have illegal/illicit contraband in their possession, all they're doing is making themselves targets for bigger problems once the cops stop 'em and pop 'em.]

Here's the form letter for you to use; cut-and-paste and fill-in-the-blanks, and start on the road to living in peace and quiet once again: