Here's Why You Need To Re-Think The Concept Of

QUITTING

 

Post date: March 17, 2004

 

"What's popular isn't always right,

and what's right isn't always popular."

 

The insightful words of the late Howard Cosell couldn't have been more accurate, especially in these tenuous times where our freedom of speech is being tested almost on a daily basis.  You might not like what I have to say, but in the long run, you'll realize I'm right.

 

Quitting is an extremely "polarizing" topic, generating responses that fall into one of two categories:

    1.    Those that agree

    2.    Those that vehemently disagree

 

Now there's a surprise and some incisive reporting.  Since there's no reason to spend time on the obvious, I'll focus on those of you who disagree with my position, and address the Top 3 comments--with my responses--I receive on a regular basis:

 

People have a legal and moral responsibility to repay their debts: You're right, we do.  But sometimes life happens.  Sometimes things don't go as planned; people lose jobs and can't find gainful or "full" re-employment in a timely manner.  People lose spouses, either to divorce or illness.  They die.  They get jacked around by former spouses or employers or insurance companies.  Life happens.

 

People use up their savings and drain their retirement accounts.  They pay and pay until their outta cash, and then they're toast.  It's over.  There's nothing left to pay, a frightening reality for many of the 43 million un-insured Americans that have been slapped with unexpected trips to a hospital emergency room.

 

I pray to God it doesn't happen to you or someone you love.  But when/if it does, be grateful that you live in a society that allows people to have a second chance.  Is the system perfect?  No...there are always those cases that slip through the cracks and individuals who take advantage of the system.

 

But also keep in mind here that while we have an obligation to be "responsible borrowers" there's also an argument for "responsible lending."  It takes two to make a credit transaction, folks...a point worth remembering when looking at record profits enjoyed by the nation's credit card companies.

 

How can you say self-interest is the best interest of all? That kind of selfish thinking is what's wrong with the world in the first place. What kind of message is that to teach kids?  I'm not even remotely suggesting you don't care about "your fellow man," but I can tell you that putting the "needs" of Providian Visa ahead of your family is absurd. 

 

I can tell you that paying a debt collector for XYZ Hospital before you pay the rent or mortgage, an electric bill or insurance is pretty stupid.  Of course if you've never been in this position, how would you (or could you) ever understand?

 

Put yourself in the best position to survive so that you can help your family: 

 

Have you ever flown in a commercial airliner?  Have you ever read over the "what you need to do if the cabin de-pressure-izes and the oxygen masks drop down" literature?  I have.

 

What's one of the first things they tell you?  "If you have a child flying with you, put your mask on first, then place the mask over the child's face."  Why do they tell you to do this?  Simple.

 

Because if you're not fully-functional first and foremost, how are the kids gonna survive?  If you put their interest first and before your own, you're setting everyone up for disaster.

 

You've gotta be on your game.  You've gotta be sharp and ready to play ball, and if you continue to operate under the old programming, the stress, the anger and the frustration are clearly more dangerous to the long-term survival of you/your family than the fallout from not paying unsecured creditors.

 

Subrogating your needs and putting yourself in anything less than

the #1 position actually does far more damage, in the short or long run. 

 

By the way: It's not my job to teach your kids how to survive in the real world. 

 

It's yours.

 

There you go again, giving people permission to quit and not pay their debts. How would you like it if someone who owed you money didn't pay you?

 

It's happened...and that's life.

 

Former president Jimmy Carter once said: "Life's not fair."  No kidding.  It's really not sometimes, but in the long run (hopefully) we learn how to avoid being on the short-end of the stick.  Hopefully we can avoid getting stiffed by a former friend, or partner, or parent or kid or spouse for the money they owe us. 

 

Dover's Rules of Reality are actually pretty simple: "If anything can go wrong, it will.  And if anyone can get outta paying us what they owe, they will."  Dark?  Pessimistic?  Perhaps...but it's a tough lesson that some of us never learn.  And while we're at it, here are two more rules worth framing on your refrigerator:

 

Don't ever lend what you can't afford to lose.

 

If you ever lend money to a friend or family member, consider it a gift.

If they repay you, great.  If not, then I'm glad I helped you...enjoy the gift.

 

Anyone in the position of lending money or extending credit: Credit card companies, health care providers, banks, pawn shops, etc. knows that a certain percentage of loans will never pay off. 

 

Lenders charge X% in interest, and the majority of folks do pay off.  But some don't. This is the cost of doing business known as "inherent risk."  

 

Got good credit?  You'll pay the lowest interest rates.

Got lousy (or no) credit?  You'll pay a premium.  This is capitalism, kids.  This is reality.  This is life.

 

Professional lenders and those in the business of business already know this.  This is why the best credit risks can actually get the 0% financing offers dangled by the automotive industry, and bad credit risks pay 24% plus on some "tote-the-note" lot. 

 

It's why some of us get 8% unsecured credit card interest rates and others pay over 25%. 

 

Some of us can go to our local bank and get an unsecured $5,000 signature loan and others have to fork over $40,000 worth of real property and still pay a 240% interest rate at the neighborhood pawn shop.

 

Not everyone can

grow up to be president.

 

Re-visiting the concept of knowing when to quit: I've excerpted my March 18, 2004 column that launched this whole discussion about quitting below. 

 

Dose of Dover For The Week: I discussed the concept of "quitting" with a friend of mine last week, a licensed psychotherapist that spends a fair share of his time helping clients deal with anger and loss. Guess what his most frequent discussion and starting point for healing is? Quitting...and knowing when to cut your losses: "Quitting does not equal failure, however, not quitting when it is indicated will lead to failure."

Hmmmmm...re-read that statement again. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Okay, what does this mean? Many of us (me included) have been conditioned over the years–by our parents, a teacher or a coach, or maybe even some huckster shilling mail order home-based business success/positive thinking courses via middle-of-the-night infomercials–to believe that quitting is wrong...that it equals failure. "A quitter never wins and a winner never quits" is not only outmoded, it’s unrealistic thinking. What’s most important? As unpopular as this may initially appear, self-interest–the "him or me" decision. In the long run, self-interest tends to be in the best interest of all. Honest evaluation of your situation–from lousy jobs and creepy bosses to dysfunctional relationships or out-of-control finances–you’ve got to learn when to cut your losses.

You’ve got to come to grips with what’s best for you and your family, and many times it takes a breakdown before you have a breakthrough. Whether it’s finding a new employer, ending a bad relationship, reconciling a tax mess with the IRS or pulling the ripcord on usurious creditors, now’s the time to seize control of your life...once and for all. Paying minimum balances on credit cards is a sucker’s game, as is ignoring letters from the IRS.

If family or friends are urging you to avoid taking a bankruptcy, tell them to put their money where their mouths are. They can either loan you the cash needed to stop the barrage of harassing tele-threats and dig out of the debt-laden paralysis you’re emotionally locked down by, or they can shut their pie-holes. Tax, debt and divorce related strategies–all battlefield and time-tested–are just one click away: www.bendover.com/control.asp.

Remember: Sometimes you have to lose so you can win